| a conjecture |
[Nov. 17th, 2010|07:05 pm] |
i wonder if i would have been a happier
person if i was born in a different time;
in a different society that embraced different
things. like maybe a country that embraced
obesity or a society that believed that the sky
was the ground and that milk is the new water
or maybe that breasts are unsightly rather than
lumps of desires. so many possibilities that lead
to futility. i wonder why i spend my time wondering. |
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| monster |
[Nov. 15th, 2010|08:21 am] |
if dreams are supposed
to be reflective,then they
are telling me how scared
i am of them. this is a cue
for a long sigh. sighhhhh! |
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| Eureka! |
[Nov. 11th, 2010|03:10 pm] |
there will come a point
in life when it all clicks!
everything will make sense,
its an "Eureka!" moment,
oh boy, am i feeling it. oh boy,
i am ready to run out of the bathroom
screaming "EUREKAAA!!"
of course, being enlightened
is only the first step, keeping
up with this revelation is nothing
short of tough and tiring! but like
every obstacle in life, however
trivial, is an opportunity! a chance
for me to emerge victorious! emerge
stronger, better and i will be assured
of my self-worth. watch me struggle,
and watch me whine. watch me
look misery in the eye. I'm ready. |
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| let's not be greedy |
[Nov. 8th, 2010|09:44 am] |
expectations result in tragedies.
i try and try to not build any,
its dangerous and lethal.
its a source of misery and poison.
i cannot emphasize enough.
it makes you vulnerable and it
makes you dream. it causes you
to falter and then you bleed.
i do my best to expect nothing from
anyone, no one at all. how can i
expect loyalty when nothing is
permanent- breeding expectations
gives you the frisson of rising so
high before falling hard. its scary,
its like playing with fire- once burnt
the scar remains. why do you allow
yourself to wade in expectations. i
stem to kill all, weed out all, exterminate.
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| Goal |
[Nov. 8th, 2010|09:29 am] |
could it be that life loves to tease?
showering me with gifts i have no
need or want- keeping my true
wishes far from reach.
could it be that life breed dreams?
constant dissatisfaction with the
current state of things is the catalyst
of my constant escape into reveries.
put my mouth in a box and
wind my heart in heavy chains,
i need not the ability to talk or feel.
not in the near future, hopefully, never.
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| 2046 |
[Nov. 3rd, 2010|11:07 pm] |
伟仔:其实爱情是有时间性的，
认识的太早或者太晚，
结果都不行。
如果我在另一个时间和空间先认识她，
这个故事的结局就可能不一样。
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| becoming insane |
[Nov. 1st, 2010|04:36 pm] |
becoming insane, becoming anonymous. |
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| metaphorically speaking |
[Oct. 28th, 2010|09:47 pm] |
i swear i dialed the correct
country code, i believe the
numbers can't be wrong.
i stand listening, waiting...
the dial tone rings in my ear..
twirling the wire of the phone
i hum along. humming along
eases my anticipation and fear.
i anticipate hearing your 'hello'
but fear the exact same thing.
its still dialing, you ought to be
picking up. precisely, you ought
to be picking up. wont you please. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2010|09:34 pm] |
Hole in the heart
i brought you out of the hole
in my heart today.
i brought you out and looked hard
at my thoughts that were
all about you.
there were a little more thoughts
than usual today. perhaps it was a
proximity issue- such that i even
brought you out-
everything just reminded me
of you...and you and you.
certain things remind me of you...
honestly,i wonder if anything
reminds you of me-i am your friend.
i wonder too, if you remember
anything i once said to you; and
of course the good happier times.
but you are of least importance-
at least for now- ill hide you back in the hole. |
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| Feminity |
[Oct. 17th, 2010|09:50 am] |
i am indeed a woman.
i confirm this from my
emotional maturity.
i consistently slap
myself in the face
with my highs and lows.
i think too much and want
too much. i declare that
my desires can never be
fulfilled, then i proceed to declare
that its 'the quiet happiness that
quenches all desires.' disgustingly,
my conviction sways with moods.
perhaps i am like a mood ring,
what i feel and believe changes...
whatever, i say again that i am a woman-
emotional, whiny and needy.
i fulfill all stereotypes of the felines. |
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| Woes in a pool |
[Oct. 11th, 2010|07:25 pm] |
Woes in a pool
You are no longer human
once those goggles have
been placed over your eyes.
They provide you with a makeover-
you are now a fish. Common you say,
well, being man is common too.
If it makes you happy, you are a fish
with a thicker tummy and shorter gills.
With your goggles, the setting changes.
its no longer trees and land- its water
and other marine folks. You start awkwardly
flapping those gills, transition takes time.
It's peaceful hitherto, suddenly a fish
charges at you! you swerve, oh how you swerved,
you tail whacks against the wall,
you swear to god thinking, "Now I know why
the Titanic sank." Just as on land, speeding
fishes are the equivalent of bikes 'eating air'.
You grow considerably wiser, preempting attacks
from these fishes by constantly swishing around.
You spot a clown fish doing tricks in the pool,
amusing! you think, you regret almost instantly.
It's a whole school of clown fishes flipping around
you can hardly dodge their flying gills. You make
through it with Laura Croft's agility and- A dolphin
cuts through your lane- you see a dolphin but
your brain registers a butterfly. You swear to god
yet again, but swim on nonetheless. All around you
little fishes are nothing but a disturbance, a polar bear
carries his cub for a lazy swim, the dolphin is still
crazily diving. Finally, You reach the end of the pool.
Exhausted, you peek your head out of the pool.
Removing your goggles to wipe off the mist,
you look around again- Goodbye fishes and bears,
Hello little punks and middle aged men.
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| An Owl |
[Oct. 1st, 2010|08:59 am] |
| [ | feel: |
| | morose | ] |
| [ | ongaku: |
| | chitter-chatter | ] |
As i slowly retreat into the dark,
i quickly assume the role of the
owl. my eyes dilate in anticipation,
my mind skewed for details. i sit,
no rather, i perch, i peer, i watch.
contemplating the acts "my loved
ones" commit- i judge and i brood.
Ashamed as i am, i do not hold back
my thoughts. After all, i am an owl;
i thrive in the ways of the dark.
i am vengeful and i am bitter- i'm
a creature of envy and pure malice,
i am inclined towards self destruction and
my desires are never quenched. Above
all, i am nothing but a young owl waiting-
waiting in the darkness for my light. |
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| unhappy |
[Sep. 25th, 2010|07:21 pm] |
on a completely unrelated note,
i found a nice quote.
"what you call sin,
I call the great spirit of love,
which takes a thousand forms."
-madchen in uniform |
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| silence |
[Sep. 23rd, 2010|08:00 am] |
silently, silently i sit-
it is peaceful happiness
like this that quenches.
quenches the biggest
desires of my heart. |
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| speak |
[Sep. 18th, 2010|09:41 am] |
come, lets speak freely
about the thoughts that
float about in our minds.
let not the fear of judgement
or rejection inhibit our words;
let not pride or shame sediment
into a barrier between us; a
barrier hindering what is to
come and changing our paths.
let us be victims of logorrhea.
constantly talking- constantly
maundering- constantly.
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| life |
[Sep. 16th, 2010|08:50 am] |
what a different life i see now
but inwardly you're still struggling-
have you really found happiness?
these experiences are merely
fodder for your ravenous heart.
an ostensible happiness to mask
your insecurity, your perceptions too
naive- i thought you would be wiser
by now. nonetheless, you seem content.
and content we shall be. |
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| my love |
[Sep. 14th, 2010|05:02 pm] |
| [ | feel: |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | ongaku: |
| | my love- lykke li | ] |
im not trying, just wishing,
looking, hoping, waiting
for the deciding moment
which makes or breaks. |
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| destination unknown |
[Sep. 11th, 2010|10:12 pm] |
when we are finally
able to strip ourselves
of pride and lies, i will
extend a hand and shake
yours saying, "hello, nice
to meet you again, at last." |
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| trials |
[Sep. 11th, 2010|10:04 pm] |
not experiencing
a break-up,
does not mean
im not suffering
some other way.
i bleed and bleed. |
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| midas touch of ice |
[Sep. 10th, 2010|01:20 am] |
like the white witch,
the winter in you is
freezing all my hopes
and forbidden wishes.
i cannot find any clue
leading to the return of
the majestic lion- the
return of spring- where
my hopes and wishes thrive.
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